When to Speak Up: Understanding Coaching, Tough Calls, and True Maltreatment

In minor hockey, coaches will yell.

They will make decisions about ice time that you may not agree with.

They might even bench your child during a crucial shift.

It’s frustrating — sometimes heartbreaking to watch as a parent.

But it's important to recognize: not every hard moment is maltreatment.

Minor hockey is emotional.

Coaches manage an entire bench, strategy, development, safety, and often, the emotions of dozens of players and families. A raised voice or tough ice time decision is usually part of the competitive environment — not a sign of abuse.

Still, how these moments are handled matters. A coach who yells directions to correct a mistake ("Backcheck faster!" "Get your stick on the ice!") is different from one who demeans a child personally ("You're useless!" "You're embarrassing!").

So how do you know when it's time to speak up?

Ask yourself:

Is the coaching focused on play or attacking the player personally?

Is the feedback about skills and effort — or about making a kid feel small?

Is there a pattern? Everyone has bad days, but repeated humiliation or favoritism might signal something deeper.

How does your child feel after practices and games? Occasional disappointment is normal in sports. Ongoing fear, anxiety, or dread is not.

When it's probably just coaching:

Your child feels challenged but safe.

Corrections are tough, but about effort, choices, and play — not character.

Ice time fluctuates, but every player still feels part of the team.

When it's time to speak up:

Personal insults or humiliation happen, not just tough coaching.

Your child dreads going to the rink.

Players are being punished in unsafe ways (like being forced to skate to exhaustion unfairly).

The coach ignores injury, safety, or emotional well-being.

If you’re concerned, start by talking with your child. Listen more than you speak. Then, if needed, follow the team's or association’s communication protocol — usually starting with the coach, then moving up to the division director or board.

Remember:

Not every hard moment needs a confrontation.

But every child deserves to be safe, respected, and challenged — in that order.

Hockey is tough. That's part of why we love it. But tough and abusive are not the same thing.

Knowing the difference — and teaching our kids the difference — is part of building strong, healthy athletes for life.

For a comprehensive description of bullying, maltreatment, harassment and abuse check out https://www.hockeyalberta.ca/uploads/source/EDI/HA_Maltreatment%2C_Bullying_and_Harrassment.pdf