Changing Beliefs You Don’t Yet Feel: From Self-Doubt to Self-Trust

One of the hardest parts of healing after bullying or maltreatment is changing the beliefs we carry about ourselves. A cruel comment from a teammate, a cutting remark from a coach, or being left out of dressing room convos can unconsciously reinforce negative beliefs. Even when your rational brain says, “That was one person’s opinion, not the truth,” your body and emotions may still flinch at the memory.

This is why telling yourself affirmations like “I’m strong and capable” can feel fake at first. You don’t feel it yet, because the old story has been rehearsed far more times than the new one.

Hockey Analogy: Training the Weak Side

Think of belief change like practicing your weak-side shot. If you’re right-handed, shooting left feels awkward. Your body resists. The puck doesn’t go where you want. But with repetition—hundreds of shots in practice—you build muscle memory.

Changing beliefs works the same way. Your “strong side” might be self-criticism because that’s what bullying reinforced. Your “weak side” is self-compassion. At first, telling yourself “I’m learning and growing” feels clumsy. But the more you practice, the more natural it becomes.

The key: you don’t have to feel it right away for the practice to work. You only have to commit to the reps.

How to - From Point A to Point B (new beliefs)

1. Notice the Old Story (Point A).

   
   

   Example: “I always choke under pressure.”

   
   

   Hockey analogy: A goalie who gets scored on once and then believes the whole game is lost.

   
   

2. Introduce a Counter-Story.

   
   

   Instead of trying to leap to “I’m the best,” start with a believable pivot: “I’ve made saves before, and I can do it again.”

   
   

   Analogy: Resetting after a bad shift—new line change, new start.

   
   

3. Practice the Reps Without Needing to Feel It.

   
   

   Just like you practice skating drills whether you feel sharp or tired, practice saying the new belief even if it feels wooden. The feeling comes later.

   
   

4. Gather Evidence.

   
   

   Look for moments—no matter how small—that support the new story. Did you handle a tough drill? Did a teammate thank you for passing? That’s real data you can bank.

   
   

5. Anchor the Belief in Action.

   Instead of only thinking “I belong,” act like you belong: show up early, encourage others, put in the effort. Action reinforces belief.

   
   

With time, the more you skate on the new belief, the stronger it becomes—and the old one begins to fade.

Why This Matters

Bullying and maltreatment don’t just hurt in the moment—they rewrite the stories kids and adults carry about themselves. Left unchecked, those stories can last a lifetime. But change is possible.

You don’t need to feel 100% confident on Day One. Just like learning a new hockey skill, belief change takes practice, patience, and support. The more you rehearse the new story, the more it becomes part of who you are.

And that’s the real win: not just scoring goals, but reclaiming the belief that you are enough—on and off the ice.

👉 At Puck Off to Bullying, we believe every player deserves the chance to skate forward with confidence. If you or your team is struggling with bullying’s impact, check out our resources at www.puckofftobullying.com or reach us at puckofftobullying@gmail.com.