When the bounces don't go your way : A Parent’s Guide to Letting Go and Finding Balance in the Game

In minor hockey, you’ll hear it all the time: “The hockey gods just weren’t with us today.”

Whether it’s a bad bounce, a hot goalie, or a ref’s missed call — it captures something deeper than superstition. It’s about accepting what you can’t control, and for parents, that’s a powerful mindset shift.

The Illusion of Control

It’s natural to want the best for your child — we all do. When they hurt we hurt. But minor hockey is full of uncontrollables:

• The lines your child is placed on

• The coach’s decisions

• The performance of the other team

• The bounce of the puck

• Tryout cuts

Sometimes, despite your players hard work, things don’t go their way. That doesn’t mean they failed — it means they’re playing a game where chance plays a role. That’s life, too.

Enter the “Hockey Gods”

My dad was a defenseman who regularly blocked shots. That was something in his control. For games where things didn't go his way, he'd say "the hockey gods weren’t with us." For big events and those everyday setbacks, he'd say "that's life." This reflects something psychologically valuable: a way to externalize chance and release pressure. We can’t always logic our way through emotions. Sometimes, it helps to just say, “The hockey gods weren’t with us today,” and let it go.

This is where psychological flexibility comes in — a core part of mental wellness.

According to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), acceptance means making room for discomfort and letting go of the struggle to control the uncontrollable. It allows us to focus on what is in our power: how we show up for our kids, how we support their efforts, and how we model resilience. We sometimes hear this referred to as the Locus of Control.

The Role of Parental Mindset

When we panic after a loss, blame the coach, or pressure our child to "make up for it" next game, we reinforce the idea that outcomes are everything. But when we model emotionalmaturity we breathe, regroup, and accept what we can’t change — we give our kids the gift of emotional regulation.

The Serenity Prayer is a tool that says it best:

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.”

What if that became our parenting motto in the stands?

Closing Thought:

Your child will have games where nothing goes right. So will their team. But if we can meet those moments with grace, we teach our children something far more important than how to win — We teach them how to cope, adapt, and carry themselves with composure in a chaotic world.

And that? That’s a championship mindset.

 We can model serenity and psychological flexibility for our kids.

When we learn to say:

• “You gave your best, and that’s enough.”

• “Some days the bounces go your way, some days they don’t.”

• “Let’s regroup and move forward.”

  
  

We teach our children how to handle setbacks without self-blame or burnout.

Because winning games is great - teaching ways of reacting to setbacks create resilience skills that last a lifetime.